Saturday, July 18, 2009

Return of wedgie balls!

I'm concerned this is going to turn into a mom blog, but I guess that's bound to happen since I am with my kid 24/7. Yesterday we had a marvelous time thanks to some fantastic planning on my part. I thought that in the evening after a full day of babysitting I would take him to the worlds coolest toy store to buy a present for one of his friends for his birthday party which is today. Way to procrastinate! The most horrible thing to do to a tired toddler is leave them in a stroller with all the coolest toys surrounding him, just out of reach. I was taking a ridiculously long time deciding what to get him, and trying to hand my kid toys that he couldn't break to occupy him, but naturally, he was losing it. I eventually gave in, and let him out as long as he stayed with me-ya right. I was trying to get him to the book area which meant getting my transportation-obsessed kid away from the toy cars, which led to me trying to picking up a screaming child who has turned into a writhing spaghetti noodle on the floor. As this happens the adorable little mini family with a sweet perky mommy and daddy and their three or so month old daughter walk by smiling and pleased with their sweet little baby who will never ever act like that horrible brat over there who's terrible mom must give him everything he wants! I cant help but say to them, "I remember when he was so small and quiet." They try to smile, but give my kid a sideways glance like "ya right bitch." Other people around me are glaring at me like "why are you buying him toys! Take him away so he will learn!" I want to scream out "We are buying toys for someone else, and I would take him out if this wasn't the last possible fucking second!" Arg. So Megan, the unempathetic salegirl with the montone voice says, "here, give him a sticker." Meaning "can you shut your kid up, my Xanex is wearing off and its two hours until I and get my next drink and Im trying to keep from shooting up the place!" My kid takes the sticker from her, rips it up, throws it on the floor while screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I stick my purchases on the counter tnd throw the money at her. She accidentally forgets to offer me their free girf-wrapping serive, imagine that.
He is happy as we walk back to the bus stop, but then we get onto the overly crowed bus. Me, my, kid, the stoller, and the bag get on, and six seats open up, which was awesome. We sit down, and he starts squirming and fussing which turns into yelling. I assume this is because many people are trying to talk to him and looking at him, and he is over it. It is a long ten minute ride where I can do nothing at all.
I get him home and he is still yelling at me. I go to change his diaper and discover that his poor little tender baby balls are outside his diaper and the area is red and chafed! This is the second time this has managed to happened to the poor kid, and now I feel like complete shit.
Way to go "mom."


  1. I know you already went over the details of this outing with me on the phone, but it's still hilarious. You really are an awesome mom... it's not like you're equipped with chaffing ball e.s.p.

  2. I think you should go back one day about 3 mintutes before closing time and complain to Megan that you didn't get the free gift wrapping.

  3. Can you get a picture of the balls hanging out of the diaper next time? I'm having a hard time picturing this...

    I'm not even going to indulge your "I'm such a bad Mom" tirade - we both know better. :-)